I am LIT! in every sense of the word, usually. Got my blunt in one hand, got my glass of wine in the other. Loving the calm that comes over me after that first puff. I smile to myself as I think on my favorite line from the hilarious comedy film, Friday, when Smokey says to Craig, " Puff puff pass." That always makes me laugh. I'm laughing right now as I think on it. Too funny. On this particular day however, I'm in chill mode. I got my blunt in one hand and a bottle of wine on ice. I"mma bought to get LIT! I put my music on and I'm determined I'm just gon relax and chill. It has long been my very frequent and my very favorite pastime. My four fingers wrapped around the body of the lighter and my thumb positioned on the spark wheel, ready to spark up, blaze, if you will. I'm stopped in my tracks. My calm is suddenly replaced with anxiety, shame, and embarrassment, wondering what will people say if only they knew? What will people think? "God what do you say? What do you think of me smoking my blunt and drinking my wine? As a matter of fact Lord, am I the only one? Am I really the only Christian that love love love smoking? Am I really the only Christian that enjoy a bottle of wine? I don't get it Lord, how is it that all the Christian folk I engage with or see on Christians networks, so perfect? How come it is so hard for me to get it together? You know what God, I gotta tell You, I think this weed smoking thang, is gon be the thorne in my side. I hear people teaching and preaching that "If you still smoking and drinking while claiming to be a Christian, then you don't love God." Hearing that infuriates me, because what I know that I know is that I love me some You, I know that statement is a lie from the pit of hell. I know this for a fact, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I love You. Do I disappoint You Lord? Am I dishonoring You? Lord just say the word and I'll give it up, and You know for me to give this up, that I really do love You, Please God tell me because I refuse to knowingly to dishonor You. I am actually having a conversation, I know in my knowa that He is hearing me out and waiting to respond to my questions. I feel His presence. I know He has joined me in my living room. I look over my right shoulder because I know that He is right there watching me. With my head tilted upward, I am immediately calmed by what I see. I can see His Spirit, I can see that He is looking directly at me. I feel nothing less than that peace we all speak of that surpasses all understanding. He has not spoken a word yet, but I know He is with me. I even pause to give Him His opportunity to finally respond to these questions that I have asked many times before, while secretly hoping that He didn't answer because, I didn't want the answer to be what I didn't want the answer to be. I didn't see fiery eye balls. I didn't see a bright light. I didn't see long blond kinky dreads. I didn't see Him wearing Roman sandals, nor did I see Him wearing a long wool tunic. I saw His Spirit yall. You definitely had to be there. God looks directly into my eyes, and I look Him directly in His eyes. I feel His tenderness, I feel HIS warmth. I'm so relaxed, having not yet hit the blunt. I see Him clearly and I hear Him clearly when He says to me " I' still love you." He pauses for about 2 seconds, I am alert, my ears are pricked, my mouth is shut, I have the excitement of a small pup wagging his tail with anticipation of receiving a doggie treat. I'm eager to hear what God has to say next. When He finally speaks again, He says to me, "I'll still use you."
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